Maybe its not T that people don't like maybe its the lack of restrain that many women and less T ridden men had experienced through millenia. I mean its all good and fun if guys daydream about sex all day but is another when they found one of the most exploitaive industries there are.
Its all cool with a guy masturbating all he likes but it isn't when it's in front of a school while screaming at passing 15 yo (true story sadly).
It also feels more like a hormone problem than a T problem. For example women are not "allowed" to follow their natural energy levels through their cycle as we are expected to perform as men, on men hormone cicles 24hs instead of 28ish day cicles.
I had to endure endometriosis each month while working with a nice face for the last 25 years. And lets talk about violence! Oh the violence! The sheer number of times I just wanted to end people, right there on the spot or fantasies about setting things on fire is frightening. I also have john wick revenge stories in my head where i am the protagonist.
All this to say, I think the problems here are a. A complete disregard on biology and how much it affect us, and b. A history of untamed natural responses on part of one specific group and the fear it imposes on others. Also some lack of awareness as to how deeply others have to contain their natural urges, maybe if we all know more of each other struggles this gap could be better bridged and we can find some empathy this is why i like reading your posts, its like a window.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing. I completely agree with a great deal of what you share here. It is *good* that strong men have become more curtailed, for all the reasons you point out, and it is completely understandable that many people fear men. (Being gay in the south, I fear men, too.) And I 100% agree with your final points, too, about biology, empathy, and history. Well said.
As a culture we are going through a profound rejection of biology. (I do feel obligated to explicitly state none of the below is meant to be thinly veiled negative commentary on trans people. That is a totally separate thing.)
Men are not allowed to be men (strong defenders and warriors - whatever shape that takes) and women actively reject having children and having a period. We refuse to age. We refuse to eat well and exercise and instead rely on medications to do that for us. We don't even like to acknowledge people have realistic sex. It's supposed to be clinical... soft lighting, romantic music.
Things like 50 Shades of Gray pop up occasionally into the national consciousness, but they act as more of a safety valve to release the pressure of not dealing with the fact that we are human and like to have sex. We can giggle and dream and then go back to our lives.
I went back to see the top grossing films by year since 1937, and they went from a mix of films that somewhat explored many aspects of the human condition to almost exclusively sexless eye candy - superheroes or animation.
It is unsurprising that as public representation of sexuality get repressed, private porn viewing increases. That energy has to go somewhere.
John Wick is a good example of just how distorted we view men and masculinity. He's strong, smart and hyper violent but doesn't have any kind of sex. We don't even get flashbacks of passionate scenes with his wife - a woman he killed a lot of people to be with.
As a woman, it's impossible to not deal with how hormones affect our bodies. Even using medication to change our hormonal responses means they still define us. In a four week block of time, I go from strong feelings that I have a handle on life and feel comfortable and centered to deeply depressing feelings that I'm a complete failure at everything. Every four weeks. But I get to talk about it out loud. I have a free pass to say, I'm being hormonal today. Get a migraine...it's because of my period. I can vocalize these things which helps me cope with them.
Men don't get that luxury. They have to be all these contradictory things that society wants and expects but the one underlying thing that makes you men and drives your behavior is not to be discussed. I can't imagine how trapped and isolating that must make men feel.
Much to respond to here, thanks so much for sharing. One of the most remarkable responses I’ve gotten from men to this article (mostly privately) is palpable relief. And this just reinforces my conviction that we do not understand testosterone or accept its effects. Your final thought about being able to talk about the effects of hormones is fascinating and worth thinking about.
And, 100% yes to living in a culture that is withdrawing from the physical.
I don't think it's some deliberate conspiracy, but as wars have on the aggregate decreased #yayhumanity, the schooling profession becoming completely female-dominated (which is NOT the fault of women-many variables contributed), the tolerance for male aggression and healthy outlets for said aggression in schools have decreased, both in public and private institutions.
Wrestling and boxing clubs were standard for teenage boys in the 20s-50s; now the idea of a school taking on the liability of a boxing club is unthinkable. It's largely disappeared from colleges/universities as well. Now concern over CTEs is reducing tackle football participation. And in saying that, I'm not saying CTEs SHOULDN"T be a concern of parents (I certainly share that concern), but teen boys need 'something' as a healthy outlet of activity, which will involve permitting varying levels of aggression in a relatively safe, rules-based framework.
I like this observation. There's a certain socialized, principled "cool" John Wick and Keanu's characters have. He's sensitive, and most importantly, "cool". Then, like a Jekyll-Hyde archetype, he lets it out. Goes hot. But he's still cool and stylized.
Honestly Keanu was not what I was thinking of reading this, but the opposite, like a Dwayne Johnson or a Vin Diesel, who always seem "on" both hot and cool at the same time. Even they're a little too cool. That raw T aggression is, as the essay suggests, more acceptably funneled into other things. Hobbies, interests.
Are we moving from cool-hot-cool-hot with culture and with presidential leadership, too?
Great post, more nuanced than I expected. Didn't see anybody else bringing this up, but it's 100% possible to be very healthy, and to tailor your aggression into working out, in a way that reduces testosterone.
> The only way I know how to get out this aggressive energy is to work out more. While this helps to burn off steam, it also paradoxically builds up more aggression, which I then have to displace to somewhere else.
HIIT and long form cardio are your answer. HIIT is you literally sprinting all out for ~30s at a time, then waiting a minute, then doing it again, and doing 8 sprint cycles overall. This only takes 12 minutes of your life. You can do those sprints with just running shoes and a phone or watch, on a treadmill or stationary bike, in a pool, on a real bike, basically anything. The key is it should be maximal effort, you should be seriously struggling and just barely making it to the end of the 30s.
Not suprisingly, "doing a bunch of maximal effort sprints" is a great way to get energy and aggression out.
The other thing you can do is long form cardio - take up running, or biking, or swimming. Heck, if you like all three, do triathlons.
Doing 2-4 challenging long cardio sessions a week is such a reducer of testosterone it's literally suggested by T-bros to guys who want to go on TRT and can't qualify with their current testosterone levels. It's why everyone who does the Tour de France and other long endurance competitions uses Testosterone - the load over time crashes their testosterone so much they can't recover physically.
Wonder if then, historically, that T reduction was a natural process of just doing a days work which then got lost somewhere in the industrial revolution
I really believe right now we're going through the growing pains, but will get to some really wild cultural shifts as a result of the HUGE amount of experimentation (both scientific and on the street) in hormone manipulation. I find the experiences of trans men specifically extremely interesting. The personal experience of testosterone-fueled changes has, from what I've seen, really landed in The Discourse.
The effects of hormones on sexuality, imho, skewer a lot of every subculture's assumptions about it.
It's going to be very strange to live in a future in which so much of what we consider the immutable self today will be very mutable, but I really think it's inevitably going to be the case. I think we have to hurry up in getting hip to the fact that all sorts of different ways of being are ok and actually necessary for robust social health, or we're going to experience a lot of unnecessary repression and backlash.
Totally agree with you about how diversity is ok and important. And you are also likely right about how we are experimenting with hormones. Exciting times
The question then becomes; is it going to be a choice?
There's a sci-fi thriller (Lake of Darkness) which depicts a world where T has been replaced (entirely) with an artificial substitute, and....well it's an interesting read. I had my opinions about it but I won't share them here, let you read it spoiler-free!
Wow! Just wow! I was going to argue with you at one point but I kept reading. I really enjoyed your exploration into the biological manifestation of testosterone and it's impact.
I struggle with anger and violence my whole life, I have hated myself for this and it's pretty of my suicidal ideation. The self loathing.
I had not considered the effects of testosterone on this in the way you did. I always knew to much was bad but hasn't made the connection to regular life. So thank you
Thomas, I'm so glad the article was helpful. Once we know that these energies are natural to us, it changes how we handle them. I *highly* recommend Carole Hooven's book, which explores the topic in much greater depth.
Really appreciated the perspective, intriguing read.
As someone who's also swung hormones around pretty wildly (in this case the other direction, I'm a trans woman who's been on hormones for long enough that significant testosterone is a fading memory), it's interesting to hear your ambivalence around these changes. It's always been a challenge for me to tease apart how much of what I disliked about T was T, and how much was dysphoria. And how much of what I like about E is actually E, and how much is gender euphoria.
Undeniably, going on hormone replacement therapy gave me a much closer connection to my emotions and those of others. I'm so much less angry, so much more empathetic and I cry out my pain in the moment instead of bottling it up for ages. I know a lot of that is hormones, because I felt a noticeable change week over week early in my transition, long before I was accepted socially as a woman. My sexuality shifted too, from probably 80/20 attraction for women/men, to more like 30/70. But it's pretty much all felt "right", despite all the social stigma.
In the same way that there are non-binary trans people who pursue medical transition, often with hormone regimes that are designed to target a balance rather than dominance of one hormone over the others, I wonder if cis people can experience gender incongruence depending on hormone levels. E.g. If my brain is much happier with a lot of estrogen, and other non-binary trans brains are happiest with a mix of estrogen and testosterone, could a cis man's brain want a little or a lot of testosterone? Everyone I've ever heard who's taken exogenous testosterone far in excess of normal levels describes how rage inducing, unhappy and mentally uncomfortable those cycles are. And there's a whole industry built around increasing testosterone in cis men who are uncomfortable with lower levels.
Not discounting your social commentary at all (it basically all rings true to me, and I've heard similar critiques from trans men), it's just interesting to hear your words and hear echoes of how I've heard others describe chemical dysphoria.
That’s so interesting. It’s funny how much I relate to the experiences of my trans friends, especially trans men. I tell them what I’m experiencing and they all nod knowingly.
And it *is* a sort of dysphoria. One that is very manageable, so maybe “dissonance” is the right word. But yes, different types of masculinity are a less comfortable fit, and Healthy Testosterone Stephen is one of them.
Woman here. Be careful. The positive acceptance of women's hormonal cycles is very, very recent, and the result of late feminism. Until very recently those hormonal swings in women were used against them, as a reason to keep women out of public life, the workforce, etc. We already see the manosphere saying giving women the vote was a mistake and it should be rescinded because women are too emotional, irrational, etc.
I agree it would be good if the highs and lows of testosterone and their pros and cons were given as much prominence as women's hormonal issues, maybe that would balance things out a bit.
Isn't it the fundamental nature of culture that it goes against biology and our natural inclinations?
Robert Sapolsky claims in "Behave" that testosterone can influence behaviours in different ways depending on the values of the environment: "Testosterone makes us more willing to do what it takes to attain and maintain status. Engineer social circumstances right, and boosting testosterone levels during a challenge would make people compete like crazy to do the most acts of random kindness. In our world riddled with male violence, the problem isn't that testosterone can increase level of aggression. The problem is the frequency with which we reward aggression". I am not entirely sure what to make of it - could the research itself be marred by low social acceptance of hormone effects?
Another question is how we can accommodate biology better - sports are already an alternative to unacceptable violence. Do we need to make sex without commitment more acceptable? But it's already legal and pretty accepted, especially for men. Women are expected to function in the world despite their biology (both periods and wild changes after giving birth) and I would argue that "women be crazy" are far less acceptable socially than men unwilling to commit to one partner or doing lots of sports.
It does suck to be in your 40s and still be low key obsessed with sex. You’d think it would just fade but (for me at least, having always stayed in pretty good shape) it really doesn’t. I also like your observation that women can’t relate at all to male sex drive, I think that’s very true just as men can’t really relate to how women experience sex.
I feel like my sex drive INCREASED in my late 30s into my 40s (and always been into fitness-no real change in that department). And while I'm sure a lot of men are shedding crocodile tears, honestly they're days when I really wish the dial could go from 11 to 6 or 7.
This was fascinating. I had no idea that such a thing could happen with a change in lifestyle.
As an aside: When I read "they are ok with only a small sphere of masculine drives and desires, and that they very much despise the rest" I had a knee-jerk reaction. To say we don't despise or hate it; it makes us fear for our lives. Exactly because every negative urge you describe experiencing simply from exercising puts us in danger. I've had to fight for my life three times against grown men and am not easily scared but I am... wary. Of any creature that walks around in that state.
Anyhow this was really enlightening and I wish I'd had gotten to it sooner.
Agree!! I've observed a troubling trend in certain kinds of Left spaces where we only like biology and evolution when they affirm our politics. And that's not healthy!! Also, I think your instinct to explore martial arts is probably right on. It seems to me that what all that aggression needs is not to be banished, because that won't work, but to be channeled through a discipline like that. Because, you're likely right that ordinary exercise is just creating a feed-back loop. At the risk of overstepping, I feel like you're perhaps being called to the discipline of a warrior's path.
Agree on all points. Also, funny that you mention the warrior’s path. I’m currently in a fraternal group, and will be going through a ritual initiation in the woods. One of the archetypes the group emphasizes is the warrior.
I really enjoyed this article & always enjoy your exploration of the male experience. I think this shame that is explored in this essay is the main reason why men only have "Fight Club" & "Dead Poets Society" to lean on for guidance at this point.
So incredibly good and important. Your comparison of feminism and conservatism reminds me of Gayle Rubin’s culture wars scholarship, wherein she critiques the anti-porn second wave feminists AND the pope at the same time. The only way out, she argues, is to destigmatize the sex acts outside of the “charmed circle” of acceptable sexuality (ie monogamy, vanilla, heterosexual, for procreation, etc). You show here that applying this argument to masculinity and testosterone does not elevate it above femininity; it liberates people to express themselves.
I've never been "physically healthy", and now am quite intrigued with what that would be like on a very detailed level... let alone what my testosterone levels might be.
Out of curiosity, can you explain why it's worthwhile? I've always heard “you should do it for yourself”, and honestly the idea of being more desirable does little for me, but the last time I tried the gym was absolutely miserable.
It's good for your health, that's why you should do it for yourself. Going to the gym isn't just about sex.
Strength training prevents osteoporosis and age-related disability later in life and increases your mobility in general. Aerobic exercise are good for your heart primarily, decreasing risks for all sorts of cardiovascular issues, but also helps your brain and lung health -- all very important organs obviously.
Not Stephen obviously, but I am someone who used to never exercise but who got into lifting weights for the last 15ish years, alongside other things at various times like martial arts, climbing, swimming, running etc. The short answer is that I came to it initially for fat loss and aesthetics but what has stuck over the years is how it makes me feel: more centred and sturdy, more energised, better mood.
I think it depends what you mean by “the gym”, it certainly doesn’t have to be a traditional commercial work out space. It can be a park, your apartment, garage… anywhere, if you adapt the exercises appropriately, I.e. bodyweight/calisthenics, or buy certain pieces of key equipment, like a couple of dumbbells, a pull up bar.
That said a traditional gym can be a much more positive space that it might seem, many times have I been proved wrong by a grunting intimidating-looking man who strikes up a conversation or drops me a compliment on form etc. and is actually such a uplifting and positive vibe. Many people can find a kind of community in this. It is a truism that people are thinking about themselves not you, and if you are obviously new then experienced users will just be happy that you are starting out. Of course there is also the practical convenience of having all the equipment in one place that can be a good place to experiment.
In terms of strength or resistance training, it gives me a sense of satisfaction. I can look at what I can lift now relative to the past and see that I have built that. I feel that I am adding strength not cutting away fat, which feels psychologically more self-compassionate (even though it is a very effective way to lose fat). It is meditative, focusing on form and my body in space. It feels nice in the body too. The initial aches settle down after a week or so when your body adapts to the load, and instead you get this nice feeling of having worked the muscles (many lingering aches and stiffnesses disappear too). The “pump” is also pleasant and gives you instant feedback and a little preview into what you are changing in your body.
Overall it produces (all training does this for me) a sense of feeling more grounded, centred within my body and mind and more sturdy. It’s hard to explain but that is the closest I can get. It’s probably a combination of being more comfortable in my body, better sleep, better moods, less anxiety etc.
Maybe its not T that people don't like maybe its the lack of restrain that many women and less T ridden men had experienced through millenia. I mean its all good and fun if guys daydream about sex all day but is another when they found one of the most exploitaive industries there are.
Its all cool with a guy masturbating all he likes but it isn't when it's in front of a school while screaming at passing 15 yo (true story sadly).
It also feels more like a hormone problem than a T problem. For example women are not "allowed" to follow their natural energy levels through their cycle as we are expected to perform as men, on men hormone cicles 24hs instead of 28ish day cicles.
I had to endure endometriosis each month while working with a nice face for the last 25 years. And lets talk about violence! Oh the violence! The sheer number of times I just wanted to end people, right there on the spot or fantasies about setting things on fire is frightening. I also have john wick revenge stories in my head where i am the protagonist.
All this to say, I think the problems here are a. A complete disregard on biology and how much it affect us, and b. A history of untamed natural responses on part of one specific group and the fear it imposes on others. Also some lack of awareness as to how deeply others have to contain their natural urges, maybe if we all know more of each other struggles this gap could be better bridged and we can find some empathy this is why i like reading your posts, its like a window.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing. I completely agree with a great deal of what you share here. It is *good* that strong men have become more curtailed, for all the reasons you point out, and it is completely understandable that many people fear men. (Being gay in the south, I fear men, too.) And I 100% agree with your final points, too, about biology, empathy, and history. Well said.
As a culture we are going through a profound rejection of biology. (I do feel obligated to explicitly state none of the below is meant to be thinly veiled negative commentary on trans people. That is a totally separate thing.)
Men are not allowed to be men (strong defenders and warriors - whatever shape that takes) and women actively reject having children and having a period. We refuse to age. We refuse to eat well and exercise and instead rely on medications to do that for us. We don't even like to acknowledge people have realistic sex. It's supposed to be clinical... soft lighting, romantic music.
Things like 50 Shades of Gray pop up occasionally into the national consciousness, but they act as more of a safety valve to release the pressure of not dealing with the fact that we are human and like to have sex. We can giggle and dream and then go back to our lives.
I went back to see the top grossing films by year since 1937, and they went from a mix of films that somewhat explored many aspects of the human condition to almost exclusively sexless eye candy - superheroes or animation.
It is unsurprising that as public representation of sexuality get repressed, private porn viewing increases. That energy has to go somewhere.
John Wick is a good example of just how distorted we view men and masculinity. He's strong, smart and hyper violent but doesn't have any kind of sex. We don't even get flashbacks of passionate scenes with his wife - a woman he killed a lot of people to be with.
As a woman, it's impossible to not deal with how hormones affect our bodies. Even using medication to change our hormonal responses means they still define us. In a four week block of time, I go from strong feelings that I have a handle on life and feel comfortable and centered to deeply depressing feelings that I'm a complete failure at everything. Every four weeks. But I get to talk about it out loud. I have a free pass to say, I'm being hormonal today. Get a migraine...it's because of my period. I can vocalize these things which helps me cope with them.
Men don't get that luxury. They have to be all these contradictory things that society wants and expects but the one underlying thing that makes you men and drives your behavior is not to be discussed. I can't imagine how trapped and isolating that must make men feel.
Much to respond to here, thanks so much for sharing. One of the most remarkable responses I’ve gotten from men to this article (mostly privately) is palpable relief. And this just reinforces my conviction that we do not understand testosterone or accept its effects. Your final thought about being able to talk about the effects of hormones is fascinating and worth thinking about.
And, 100% yes to living in a culture that is withdrawing from the physical.
I don't think it's some deliberate conspiracy, but as wars have on the aggregate decreased #yayhumanity, the schooling profession becoming completely female-dominated (which is NOT the fault of women-many variables contributed), the tolerance for male aggression and healthy outlets for said aggression in schools have decreased, both in public and private institutions.
Wrestling and boxing clubs were standard for teenage boys in the 20s-50s; now the idea of a school taking on the liability of a boxing club is unthinkable. It's largely disappeared from colleges/universities as well. Now concern over CTEs is reducing tackle football participation. And in saying that, I'm not saying CTEs SHOULDN"T be a concern of parents (I certainly share that concern), but teen boys need 'something' as a healthy outlet of activity, which will involve permitting varying levels of aggression in a relatively safe, rules-based framework.
The way in my article yesterday I said "I don't understand men's obsession with the John Wick movies," and then here you are to explain it to me 😅
Always happy to oblige!
I'm a man, with a penis and everything, and I find John Wick a vacuous snoozefest, too.
There are films about violent male urges that are interesting (Fight Club most obviously); but John Wick is not among them.
I like this observation. There's a certain socialized, principled "cool" John Wick and Keanu's characters have. He's sensitive, and most importantly, "cool". Then, like a Jekyll-Hyde archetype, he lets it out. Goes hot. But he's still cool and stylized.
Honestly Keanu was not what I was thinking of reading this, but the opposite, like a Dwayne Johnson or a Vin Diesel, who always seem "on" both hot and cool at the same time. Even they're a little too cool. That raw T aggression is, as the essay suggests, more acceptably funneled into other things. Hobbies, interests.
Are we moving from cool-hot-cool-hot with culture and with presidential leadership, too?
Great post, more nuanced than I expected. Didn't see anybody else bringing this up, but it's 100% possible to be very healthy, and to tailor your aggression into working out, in a way that reduces testosterone.
> The only way I know how to get out this aggressive energy is to work out more. While this helps to burn off steam, it also paradoxically builds up more aggression, which I then have to displace to somewhere else.
HIIT and long form cardio are your answer. HIIT is you literally sprinting all out for ~30s at a time, then waiting a minute, then doing it again, and doing 8 sprint cycles overall. This only takes 12 minutes of your life. You can do those sprints with just running shoes and a phone or watch, on a treadmill or stationary bike, in a pool, on a real bike, basically anything. The key is it should be maximal effort, you should be seriously struggling and just barely making it to the end of the 30s.
Not suprisingly, "doing a bunch of maximal effort sprints" is a great way to get energy and aggression out.
The other thing you can do is long form cardio - take up running, or biking, or swimming. Heck, if you like all three, do triathlons.
Doing 2-4 challenging long cardio sessions a week is such a reducer of testosterone it's literally suggested by T-bros to guys who want to go on TRT and can't qualify with their current testosterone levels. It's why everyone who does the Tour de France and other long endurance competitions uses Testosterone - the load over time crashes their testosterone so much they can't recover physically.
Wonder if then, historically, that T reduction was a natural process of just doing a days work which then got lost somewhere in the industrial revolution
I really believe right now we're going through the growing pains, but will get to some really wild cultural shifts as a result of the HUGE amount of experimentation (both scientific and on the street) in hormone manipulation. I find the experiences of trans men specifically extremely interesting. The personal experience of testosterone-fueled changes has, from what I've seen, really landed in The Discourse.
The effects of hormones on sexuality, imho, skewer a lot of every subculture's assumptions about it.
It's going to be very strange to live in a future in which so much of what we consider the immutable self today will be very mutable, but I really think it's inevitably going to be the case. I think we have to hurry up in getting hip to the fact that all sorts of different ways of being are ok and actually necessary for robust social health, or we're going to experience a lot of unnecessary repression and backlash.
Totally agree with you about how diversity is ok and important. And you are also likely right about how we are experimenting with hormones. Exciting times
The question then becomes; is it going to be a choice?
There's a sci-fi thriller (Lake of Darkness) which depicts a world where T has been replaced (entirely) with an artificial substitute, and....well it's an interesting read. I had my opinions about it but I won't share them here, let you read it spoiler-free!
Trans people have a mental illness that should not be indulged any more than any other kind of body dysmorphia. It’s that simple.
There’s no evidence that medical transition does anything but harm people, despite the long debunked suicide claim.
Wrong
yuh huh vs nuh uh
As a female with naturally higher levels of testosterone, I actually related a lot to this.
I’m so glad the piece resonated. You are welcome here ❤️ It certainly isn’t just men (or all men) who have these experiences with T
Wow! Just wow! I was going to argue with you at one point but I kept reading. I really enjoyed your exploration into the biological manifestation of testosterone and it's impact.
I struggle with anger and violence my whole life, I have hated myself for this and it's pretty of my suicidal ideation. The self loathing.
I had not considered the effects of testosterone on this in the way you did. I always knew to much was bad but hasn't made the connection to regular life. So thank you
Thomas, I'm so glad the article was helpful. Once we know that these energies are natural to us, it changes how we handle them. I *highly* recommend Carole Hooven's book, which explores the topic in much greater depth.
Really appreciated the perspective, intriguing read.
As someone who's also swung hormones around pretty wildly (in this case the other direction, I'm a trans woman who's been on hormones for long enough that significant testosterone is a fading memory), it's interesting to hear your ambivalence around these changes. It's always been a challenge for me to tease apart how much of what I disliked about T was T, and how much was dysphoria. And how much of what I like about E is actually E, and how much is gender euphoria.
Undeniably, going on hormone replacement therapy gave me a much closer connection to my emotions and those of others. I'm so much less angry, so much more empathetic and I cry out my pain in the moment instead of bottling it up for ages. I know a lot of that is hormones, because I felt a noticeable change week over week early in my transition, long before I was accepted socially as a woman. My sexuality shifted too, from probably 80/20 attraction for women/men, to more like 30/70. But it's pretty much all felt "right", despite all the social stigma.
In the same way that there are non-binary trans people who pursue medical transition, often with hormone regimes that are designed to target a balance rather than dominance of one hormone over the others, I wonder if cis people can experience gender incongruence depending on hormone levels. E.g. If my brain is much happier with a lot of estrogen, and other non-binary trans brains are happiest with a mix of estrogen and testosterone, could a cis man's brain want a little or a lot of testosterone? Everyone I've ever heard who's taken exogenous testosterone far in excess of normal levels describes how rage inducing, unhappy and mentally uncomfortable those cycles are. And there's a whole industry built around increasing testosterone in cis men who are uncomfortable with lower levels.
Not discounting your social commentary at all (it basically all rings true to me, and I've heard similar critiques from trans men), it's just interesting to hear your words and hear echoes of how I've heard others describe chemical dysphoria.
That’s so interesting. It’s funny how much I relate to the experiences of my trans friends, especially trans men. I tell them what I’m experiencing and they all nod knowingly.
And it *is* a sort of dysphoria. One that is very manageable, so maybe “dissonance” is the right word. But yes, different types of masculinity are a less comfortable fit, and Healthy Testosterone Stephen is one of them.
Woman here. Be careful. The positive acceptance of women's hormonal cycles is very, very recent, and the result of late feminism. Until very recently those hormonal swings in women were used against them, as a reason to keep women out of public life, the workforce, etc. We already see the manosphere saying giving women the vote was a mistake and it should be rescinded because women are too emotional, irrational, etc.
I agree it would be good if the highs and lows of testosterone and their pros and cons were given as much prominence as women's hormonal issues, maybe that would balance things out a bit.
Isn't it the fundamental nature of culture that it goes against biology and our natural inclinations?
Robert Sapolsky claims in "Behave" that testosterone can influence behaviours in different ways depending on the values of the environment: "Testosterone makes us more willing to do what it takes to attain and maintain status. Engineer social circumstances right, and boosting testosterone levels during a challenge would make people compete like crazy to do the most acts of random kindness. In our world riddled with male violence, the problem isn't that testosterone can increase level of aggression. The problem is the frequency with which we reward aggression". I am not entirely sure what to make of it - could the research itself be marred by low social acceptance of hormone effects?
Another question is how we can accommodate biology better - sports are already an alternative to unacceptable violence. Do we need to make sex without commitment more acceptable? But it's already legal and pretty accepted, especially for men. Women are expected to function in the world despite their biology (both periods and wild changes after giving birth) and I would argue that "women be crazy" are far less acceptable socially than men unwilling to commit to one partner or doing lots of sports.
It does suck to be in your 40s and still be low key obsessed with sex. You’d think it would just fade but (for me at least, having always stayed in pretty good shape) it really doesn’t. I also like your observation that women can’t relate at all to male sex drive, I think that’s very true just as men can’t really relate to how women experience sex.
Yup, the testosterone-driven sex drive is a force to be reckoned with.
I feel like my sex drive INCREASED in my late 30s into my 40s (and always been into fitness-no real change in that department). And while I'm sure a lot of men are shedding crocodile tears, honestly they're days when I really wish the dial could go from 11 to 6 or 7.
This was fascinating. I had no idea that such a thing could happen with a change in lifestyle.
As an aside: When I read "they are ok with only a small sphere of masculine drives and desires, and that they very much despise the rest" I had a knee-jerk reaction. To say we don't despise or hate it; it makes us fear for our lives. Exactly because every negative urge you describe experiencing simply from exercising puts us in danger. I've had to fight for my life three times against grown men and am not easily scared but I am... wary. Of any creature that walks around in that state.
Anyhow this was really enlightening and I wish I'd had gotten to it sooner.
Agree!! I've observed a troubling trend in certain kinds of Left spaces where we only like biology and evolution when they affirm our politics. And that's not healthy!! Also, I think your instinct to explore martial arts is probably right on. It seems to me that what all that aggression needs is not to be banished, because that won't work, but to be channeled through a discipline like that. Because, you're likely right that ordinary exercise is just creating a feed-back loop. At the risk of overstepping, I feel like you're perhaps being called to the discipline of a warrior's path.
Agree on all points. Also, funny that you mention the warrior’s path. I’m currently in a fraternal group, and will be going through a ritual initiation in the woods. One of the archetypes the group emphasizes is the warrior.
I really enjoyed this article & always enjoy your exploration of the male experience. I think this shame that is explored in this essay is the main reason why men only have "Fight Club" & "Dead Poets Society" to lean on for guidance at this point.
Fight Club is definitely a cultural fixture for a reason
So incredibly good and important. Your comparison of feminism and conservatism reminds me of Gayle Rubin’s culture wars scholarship, wherein she critiques the anti-porn second wave feminists AND the pope at the same time. The only way out, she argues, is to destigmatize the sex acts outside of the “charmed circle” of acceptable sexuality (ie monogamy, vanilla, heterosexual, for procreation, etc). You show here that applying this argument to masculinity and testosterone does not elevate it above femininity; it liberates people to express themselves.
Yes, that is exactly the goal of the piece ❤️ I’ve never read Gayle Rubin. I’ll have to check her out
“Thinking Sex” by Gayle Rubin. It’s a doozy, but really important. There’s this great infographic of the “charmed circle” of sexuality. Here’s a link: https://bpb-us-e2.wpmucdn.com/sites.middlebury.edu/dist/2/3378/files/2015/01/Rubin-Thinking-Sex.pdf
Oh fantastic, thank you
I've never been "physically healthy", and now am quite intrigued with what that would be like on a very detailed level... let alone what my testosterone levels might be.
It's worth exploring!
I think it probably true, that modern western culture has little tolerance for Testosterone. Certainly discouraging me from going to the gym!
Still worth going to the gym, and mileage may vary. Your experience may not be as dramatic as mine, but even if it is, it is still worth it.
Out of curiosity, can you explain why it's worthwhile? I've always heard “you should do it for yourself”, and honestly the idea of being more desirable does little for me, but the last time I tried the gym was absolutely miserable.
It's good for your health, that's why you should do it for yourself. Going to the gym isn't just about sex.
Strength training prevents osteoporosis and age-related disability later in life and increases your mobility in general. Aerobic exercise are good for your heart primarily, decreasing risks for all sorts of cardiovascular issues, but also helps your brain and lung health -- all very important organs obviously.
Not Stephen obviously, but I am someone who used to never exercise but who got into lifting weights for the last 15ish years, alongside other things at various times like martial arts, climbing, swimming, running etc. The short answer is that I came to it initially for fat loss and aesthetics but what has stuck over the years is how it makes me feel: more centred and sturdy, more energised, better mood.
I think it depends what you mean by “the gym”, it certainly doesn’t have to be a traditional commercial work out space. It can be a park, your apartment, garage… anywhere, if you adapt the exercises appropriately, I.e. bodyweight/calisthenics, or buy certain pieces of key equipment, like a couple of dumbbells, a pull up bar.
That said a traditional gym can be a much more positive space that it might seem, many times have I been proved wrong by a grunting intimidating-looking man who strikes up a conversation or drops me a compliment on form etc. and is actually such a uplifting and positive vibe. Many people can find a kind of community in this. It is a truism that people are thinking about themselves not you, and if you are obviously new then experienced users will just be happy that you are starting out. Of course there is also the practical convenience of having all the equipment in one place that can be a good place to experiment.
In terms of strength or resistance training, it gives me a sense of satisfaction. I can look at what I can lift now relative to the past and see that I have built that. I feel that I am adding strength not cutting away fat, which feels psychologically more self-compassionate (even though it is a very effective way to lose fat). It is meditative, focusing on form and my body in space. It feels nice in the body too. The initial aches settle down after a week or so when your body adapts to the load, and instead you get this nice feeling of having worked the muscles (many lingering aches and stiffnesses disappear too). The “pump” is also pleasant and gives you instant feedback and a little preview into what you are changing in your body.
Overall it produces (all training does this for me) a sense of feeling more grounded, centred within my body and mind and more sturdy. It’s hard to explain but that is the closest I can get. It’s probably a combination of being more comfortable in my body, better sleep, better moods, less anxiety etc.