I’m not a therapist either but I am listening to Richard Schwartz’s work on internal family systems and the notion of each person containing various parts, exiles and protectors. Yesterday he discussed the suicidal part, and what you do with your Familiar sounds very much like what he described for managing that part.
I’ve recently become more interested in IFS as well. As a metaphor, I find it useful. I’d be interested to look more into what he says about the suicidal self
I’ll be celebrating (?) my 60th year of living alongside my Familiar. Mine is a Disney like wolf that lurks in shadows and has glowing red eyes. A riff on Churchill’s Black Dog. I like the idea of a cat better
The only way to banish the wolf is to remind him of “collateral damage”. No matter how much pain I am in, my annihilation will make life immeasurably worse for the people who surround me in life
Congratulations on 60 years! Yes — one of the most powerful reminders for me is that suicide doesn’t get rid of the pain. It transfers the pain to others.
Thank you for sharing this. While I've never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I have been suicidal off and on since I was 13. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and C-PTSD. I'm almost 45 now. My life turned out okay and I haven't made any attempts in almost 23 years, but the thought of going through with it creeps up every couple of years for me. Just 10 days ago I thought about driving my car into the river. That was the first time in almost 3 years I thought about taking myself out. However I have too much going on, and too many that rely on me to keep me from going through with it. And logically I know many people would be negatively affected, not just because some rely on me, but emotionally I know I would be leaving others in pieces. 2 people I care about have lost others to suicide, so I wouldn't want to add to that body count for those individuals. I will not go through with it, but I don't think these thoughts ever go away either. And it sucks. I've been in therapy for 11 years now, usually every 2 weeks but in the last month I'm back to every week. It does help. I'm also doing NAMI virtual meetings too and Sober Faction. I'm also trying to be more active with the Satanic groups I'm in as well.
I do like the visualization of a black cat being the dark voice. I haven't really given sleep a thought as a temporary death, but that could be because I don't sleep enough, and I know I need to change that.
Thank you for this article. Im still working on catching up on your other ones. It helps to know we're not alone in our dark thoughts.
Thank you so much for sharing. You point to one of the most important things — social connection and relationships. I invest in them as if my life depends on it, because it does.
Very very glad that you've found techniques (beyond addiction or other self harming stuff) to trick that cat and to make her wait on standby. You write beautiful words and the world is so much better with you in it. We want many many more of your words, for years to come. And nobody but you can fill that SBL shaped space in our great mosaic.
please look into the episcopal church and specifically the inclusive orthodox people if you do i think youd have some really interesting perspectives we could use
yea im really supposed to be off this site for lent i just remembered but please please please check out @Benjamin Crosby idk why but i feel called to share that with you good luck on whatever you have in store or whatever
After reading, I'm convinced that what you're seeing is what most everyone else is ignoring. Or maybe it's just me. There's a wildly scaled-down version of this that's very relatable. It feels like I can sense her, too, but never so acutely. You've named her, though. Thank you, Stephen.
Thank you for this. I have a plan of when and how but when I think about my family it stops me from following through. I just want crowd in my head to shut up ya know.
I particularly loved the insight into the negotiation that goes on with living with mental illness. My challenges are different and less deadly, but the voice comes from the same wellspring.
Curious if your suicidal cat is similar to when I write “with” my depression as a conversation. Is yours also trying to protect you in an oddly ignorant way? I’ve found that the aspects of me have roles which is cool to discover so they can do a better job at their actual intention
Curious if your suicidal cat is similar to when I write “with” my depression as a conversation. Is yours also trying to protect you in an oddly ignorant way? I’ve found that the aspects of me have roles which is cool to discover so they can do a better job at their actual intention
Steve, I don't think you are SUICIDAL, despite the SUICIDAL IDEATIONS you say you MANIFEST. If that was the case, you would have ENDED your life a long time ago. My take on your situation is this: I see a VERY HIGH-FUNCTIONING individual, with a VERY HIGH-LEVEL INTELLIGENCE/I.Q that BORDERS ON THE GENIUS LEVEL. MOST EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT people have SOME DOSES of what I call ''THE DEVIL'S or EVIL'S BRAIN'' in them. MOST CREATIVE GENIUSES have ''TOUCHES OF MADNESS'' in them. You continue to make these ''DEALS'' with ''THAT EVIL OCCUPANT'' within you and WINNING! You have MANAGED to OUTWIT IT EVERY TIME. SO, you NEED to HARNESS THOSE ''SEEMINGLY NEGATIVE'' POTENTIALS in you into HELPING OTHERS. There is no BETTER FEELING than to know that SOMETHING GOOD CAME OUT OF such ''DARKNESS''. And TYPICAL of the AMERICAN WAY, ''MONETIZE'' your experience in the process. Maybe, a ''COMFORTABLE LIVING'' could be a PANACEA that could ''QUIET DOWN'' some of the ''MENTAL RUMBLINGS'' ''DOWN IN YOUR BASEMENT''. You are ''CRAZY AS A FOX'', my friend, if you know what I mean. But your EXPERIENCES ARE SCARY. GOOD LUCK, my man!!!
For anyone reading this who avoids asking for help because they don’t want to bother anyone:
Some of us actually love being helpful, in the same way some people love roller coasters or seeing their favorite band in concert.
This is going to sound all me-me-me but do you know what an honor it is when someone chooses YOU to call when they’re freaking out?
When someone trusts you enough to just spill all the shit they’ve been holding in?
That is the highest compliment there is.
100%. It is an honor to help someone when they are down, and it is an enormous gift to let someone else help you.
Well said
I’m not a therapist either but I am listening to Richard Schwartz’s work on internal family systems and the notion of each person containing various parts, exiles and protectors. Yesterday he discussed the suicidal part, and what you do with your Familiar sounds very much like what he described for managing that part.
I’m so grateful for what you share with us.
I’ve recently become more interested in IFS as well. As a metaphor, I find it useful. I’d be interested to look more into what he says about the suicidal self
It’s toward the very end of the book No Bad Parts. 🙏
I’ll be celebrating (?) my 60th year of living alongside my Familiar. Mine is a Disney like wolf that lurks in shadows and has glowing red eyes. A riff on Churchill’s Black Dog. I like the idea of a cat better
The only way to banish the wolf is to remind him of “collateral damage”. No matter how much pain I am in, my annihilation will make life immeasurably worse for the people who surround me in life
Congratulations on 60 years! Yes — one of the most powerful reminders for me is that suicide doesn’t get rid of the pain. It transfers the pain to others.
Thank you for sharing this. While I've never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I have been suicidal off and on since I was 13. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and C-PTSD. I'm almost 45 now. My life turned out okay and I haven't made any attempts in almost 23 years, but the thought of going through with it creeps up every couple of years for me. Just 10 days ago I thought about driving my car into the river. That was the first time in almost 3 years I thought about taking myself out. However I have too much going on, and too many that rely on me to keep me from going through with it. And logically I know many people would be negatively affected, not just because some rely on me, but emotionally I know I would be leaving others in pieces. 2 people I care about have lost others to suicide, so I wouldn't want to add to that body count for those individuals. I will not go through with it, but I don't think these thoughts ever go away either. And it sucks. I've been in therapy for 11 years now, usually every 2 weeks but in the last month I'm back to every week. It does help. I'm also doing NAMI virtual meetings too and Sober Faction. I'm also trying to be more active with the Satanic groups I'm in as well.
I do like the visualization of a black cat being the dark voice. I haven't really given sleep a thought as a temporary death, but that could be because I don't sleep enough, and I know I need to change that.
Thank you for this article. Im still working on catching up on your other ones. It helps to know we're not alone in our dark thoughts.
Thank you so much for sharing. You point to one of the most important things — social connection and relationships. I invest in them as if my life depends on it, because it does.
This is so good.
Thank you so much ❤️
Very very glad that you've found techniques (beyond addiction or other self harming stuff) to trick that cat and to make her wait on standby. You write beautiful words and the world is so much better with you in it. We want many many more of your words, for years to come. And nobody but you can fill that SBL shaped space in our great mosaic.
Thank you so much, friend ❤️
"Other times, I simply want to stop being conscious. It’s hard not to, when the whole of one’s consciousness feels like a sentient open wound."
So powerful!
Thank you, friend.
im deadass on my "this guy will convert to Christianity in the next three years" prediction i made last year
hahaha I will neither confirm nor deny
please look into the episcopal church and specifically the inclusive orthodox people if you do i think youd have some really interesting perspectives we could use
I’ve done some time in the Episcopal church. I enjoyed it. Good people.
yea im really supposed to be off this site for lent i just remembered but please please please check out @Benjamin Crosby idk why but i feel called to share that with you good luck on whatever you have in store or whatever
Thanks man, I’ll check him out. Good luck with lent.
This is such a unique perspective I’ve never heard before.
Thank you, I’m glad!
After reading, I'm convinced that what you're seeing is what most everyone else is ignoring. Or maybe it's just me. There's a wildly scaled-down version of this that's very relatable. It feels like I can sense her, too, but never so acutely. You've named her, though. Thank you, Stephen.
I think that’s right. We all have our Familiars.
Thank you for this. I have a plan of when and how but when I think about my family it stops me from following through. I just want crowd in my head to shut up ya know.
I do know ❤️
Rough day. Interesting that you show up talking about tough places. I'll read it more later. Just acknowledging your words.
❤️❤️❤️
I particularly loved the insight into the negotiation that goes on with living with mental illness. My challenges are different and less deadly, but the voice comes from the same wellspring.
Yes ❤️ it’s a scary but necessary conversation to have with oneself.
Curious if your suicidal cat is similar to when I write “with” my depression as a conversation. Is yours also trying to protect you in an oddly ignorant way? I’ve found that the aspects of me have roles which is cool to discover so they can do a better job at their actual intention
I think it’s very similar, yeah
Curious if your suicidal cat is similar to when I write “with” my depression as a conversation. Is yours also trying to protect you in an oddly ignorant way? I’ve found that the aspects of me have roles which is cool to discover so they can do a better job at their actual intention
Steve, I don't think you are SUICIDAL, despite the SUICIDAL IDEATIONS you say you MANIFEST. If that was the case, you would have ENDED your life a long time ago. My take on your situation is this: I see a VERY HIGH-FUNCTIONING individual, with a VERY HIGH-LEVEL INTELLIGENCE/I.Q that BORDERS ON THE GENIUS LEVEL. MOST EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT people have SOME DOSES of what I call ''THE DEVIL'S or EVIL'S BRAIN'' in them. MOST CREATIVE GENIUSES have ''TOUCHES OF MADNESS'' in them. You continue to make these ''DEALS'' with ''THAT EVIL OCCUPANT'' within you and WINNING! You have MANAGED to OUTWIT IT EVERY TIME. SO, you NEED to HARNESS THOSE ''SEEMINGLY NEGATIVE'' POTENTIALS in you into HELPING OTHERS. There is no BETTER FEELING than to know that SOMETHING GOOD CAME OUT OF such ''DARKNESS''. And TYPICAL of the AMERICAN WAY, ''MONETIZE'' your experience in the process. Maybe, a ''COMFORTABLE LIVING'' could be a PANACEA that could ''QUIET DOWN'' some of the ''MENTAL RUMBLINGS'' ''DOWN IN YOUR BASEMENT''. You are ''CRAZY AS A FOX'', my friend, if you know what I mean. But your EXPERIENCES ARE SCARY. GOOD LUCK, my man!!!
Thank you for the kind words, friend.