So much of this hits home. Not wanting to forget the torment because there’s something precious about it. The rarity of being in the position of a profoundly mentally ill person able to articulate the experience- how so few of us can speak for ourselves, always at the mercy of artistic interpretation. The “cruelty” of that phenomenon. The truth about our violence and frustration about how the “competent ill” frame it purportedly to fight stigma. (The same people who tell me not to say “commit suicide” even though I absolutely attempted murder that day.) I’d never heard of the Praecox Feeling but have experienced it and certainly caused it at times. I related so much to this piece that I’m certain that I should avoid watching the movie. Thanks for writing it. Also, yay Lamictal. It’s a wonder drug.
Friend, thank you so much for reading and sharing. On my end, it’s so heartening to see people relate to it and feel recognized by the article. Makes me feel less alone <3
Even when you are on that liminal space of mental illness, there, but not there, you still provide for someone like me, a 'normie' the weight of the condition. I will remember this post for some time; think about it. This is a heroic fight--keep at it.
Thank you so much for sharing, friend. I will now watch the movie. I'm extremely grateful for your description of mental illness as being a sort of entity that is continually threatening even when I think I have it beat. For me Longlegs delivered the doll when I was 35 years old. It was opiate addiction. I often tell myself that my addiction is in the past but I'm also extremely cautious about having a casual attitude towards that idea as well. Addiction is always the monster staring at me in the corner. It's my mind. Im OK right now but I dont know what will happen in the future. Even as I write this I worry about how I've been drinking kratom nightly and I hope that it does not turn to something bigger. I started drinking kratom instead of drinking my one beer a night. I traded one for the other. It always seems to be micro steps.Any way. Didn't mean to ramble but I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm greatful your writing.
I am fairly sure I am bipolar II, and had an episode yesterday. I acutely remember the crash and the pain, and yet today it seems to be slowly losing its edge. I know what you mean by the utter terror of it all, the deep things do
Ing up like a monster. I am going back in lamictal and ability in a few weeks. I am ok, and I have been doing a lot of show work and healing, so I anticipated that something would come up. But wow does it knock you down. Thank you for your candidness.
I am. I anticipated it because I just did a strong hypnosis session where I she’s a lot of old coping mechanisms (a good thing), but was left feeling quite exposed. Thank you for your reply. 🥰
Yes. This too. Trauma therapy and mystical work exposes alot. But it does put you on the path to healing. That crazy, zig zagged road with lots of left turns.
As a person with bipolar halfway round the world in Singapore, I appreciated the article deeply. Redirecting to read the link on bipolar monasticism, I’m also now inspired to make a Core Document for myself. Thank you. 🙏🏼
Gahly, I might have to watch it. I've heard nothing but praise for it. Although, praise isn't the right word. It's more like acknowledgement of the movie's power.
goddamn just a while ago I had that same thought while I was out walking at night or something: should I be scared? nah. whatever’s might be around here should be more afraid of me. I felt more at home alone in the dark than I did in a room full of coworkers or even family members.
Thank you, I guess, for giving me some kind of benchmark or touchstone with your shares. I continue to be fascinated with the mind. I’m not sure if it’s healthy: but I currently believe that mainstream functionality in our current world seems to require its own brand of madness. Some kind of special training and conditioning so we don’t notice or dwell on the uncertainties, the inconsistencies, the inequalities. Mainstream mental health seems to be mostly about helping us “think right” and keep our eyes on the ball without getting distracted by all the other stuff about which I sometimes think: “wait. Is the game the only thing that matters? Isn’t there other stuff we should be paying attention to too?”
I've never read one of your pieces until today when this popped up in my recommendations. I won't be watching the movie, because I can't do those kinds of movies. However, your description of mental illness was eerie. I don't suffer from bipolar, just depression and it puts me in a liminal space between alive and not. Between colour and black and white. It's like a veil that drops over me. I can feel it coming, like the tension in the air before a storm. And I need to prepare. And I hate it because I feel different then from everyone else. And I don't want people to know because of the judgment and the gossip. But how could they not? I will disapear for days at a time. I don't answer the phone or texts or emails. And when it passes how do you just go right back to 'regular'.
So much of this hits home. Not wanting to forget the torment because there’s something precious about it. The rarity of being in the position of a profoundly mentally ill person able to articulate the experience- how so few of us can speak for ourselves, always at the mercy of artistic interpretation. The “cruelty” of that phenomenon. The truth about our violence and frustration about how the “competent ill” frame it purportedly to fight stigma. (The same people who tell me not to say “commit suicide” even though I absolutely attempted murder that day.) I’d never heard of the Praecox Feeling but have experienced it and certainly caused it at times. I related so much to this piece that I’m certain that I should avoid watching the movie. Thanks for writing it. Also, yay Lamictal. It’s a wonder drug.
Friend, thank you so much for reading and sharing. On my end, it’s so heartening to see people relate to it and feel recognized by the article. Makes me feel less alone <3
Even when you are on that liminal space of mental illness, there, but not there, you still provide for someone like me, a 'normie' the weight of the condition. I will remember this post for some time; think about it. This is a heroic fight--keep at it.
Thank you so much, friend <3
Thank you so much for sharing, friend. I will now watch the movie. I'm extremely grateful for your description of mental illness as being a sort of entity that is continually threatening even when I think I have it beat. For me Longlegs delivered the doll when I was 35 years old. It was opiate addiction. I often tell myself that my addiction is in the past but I'm also extremely cautious about having a casual attitude towards that idea as well. Addiction is always the monster staring at me in the corner. It's my mind. Im OK right now but I dont know what will happen in the future. Even as I write this I worry about how I've been drinking kratom nightly and I hope that it does not turn to something bigger. I started drinking kratom instead of drinking my one beer a night. I traded one for the other. It always seems to be micro steps.Any way. Didn't mean to ramble but I've been thinking about it a lot and I'm greatful your writing.
I was thinking of drug addiction while writing this article. It has similar demon-possession qualities. Thanks so much for sharing.
Definitely
I am fairly sure I am bipolar II, and had an episode yesterday. I acutely remember the crash and the pain, and yet today it seems to be slowly losing its edge. I know what you mean by the utter terror of it all, the deep things do
Ing up like a monster. I am going back in lamictal and ability in a few weeks. I am ok, and I have been doing a lot of show work and healing, so I anticipated that something would come up. But wow does it knock you down. Thank you for your candidness.
Thank you so much for sharing. I understand how devastating that knockdown is. With time, it will lose its edge. Take care of yourself, friend.
I am. I anticipated it because I just did a strong hypnosis session where I she’s a lot of old coping mechanisms (a good thing), but was left feeling quite exposed. Thank you for your reply. 🥰
For me earlier this year it was therapy. Stuff can definitely knock up the dust
Yes. This too. Trauma therapy and mystical work exposes alot. But it does put you on the path to healing. That crazy, zig zagged road with lots of left turns.
She’s=shed stupid spell check
Well put.
I also have bipolar 2. It’s a hard disease to explain to people. Right now I consider it a disorder of tempo.
Thank you for sharing, friend. Yeah, it’s rhythm thing
As a person with bipolar halfway round the world in Singapore, I appreciated the article deeply. Redirecting to read the link on bipolar monasticism, I’m also now inspired to make a Core Document for myself. Thank you. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much for reading, and it’s great to hear from you. If you do start a Core Document, let me know how it goes.
Gahly, I might have to watch it. I've heard nothing but praise for it. Although, praise isn't the right word. It's more like acknowledgement of the movie's power.
Please do. Let me know what you think if you do.
goddamn just a while ago I had that same thought while I was out walking at night or something: should I be scared? nah. whatever’s might be around here should be more afraid of me. I felt more at home alone in the dark than I did in a room full of coworkers or even family members.
Thank you, I guess, for giving me some kind of benchmark or touchstone with your shares. I continue to be fascinated with the mind. I’m not sure if it’s healthy: but I currently believe that mainstream functionality in our current world seems to require its own brand of madness. Some kind of special training and conditioning so we don’t notice or dwell on the uncertainties, the inconsistencies, the inequalities. Mainstream mental health seems to be mostly about helping us “think right” and keep our eyes on the ball without getting distracted by all the other stuff about which I sometimes think: “wait. Is the game the only thing that matters? Isn’t there other stuff we should be paying attention to too?”
Thank you do much for reading and sharing <3
I've never read one of your pieces until today when this popped up in my recommendations. I won't be watching the movie, because I can't do those kinds of movies. However, your description of mental illness was eerie. I don't suffer from bipolar, just depression and it puts me in a liminal space between alive and not. Between colour and black and white. It's like a veil that drops over me. I can feel it coming, like the tension in the air before a storm. And I need to prepare. And I hate it because I feel different then from everyone else. And I don't want people to know because of the judgment and the gossip. But how could they not? I will disapear for days at a time. I don't answer the phone or texts or emails. And when it passes how do you just go right back to 'regular'.