I think this is easier for Buddhists. (It's particularly easy to be a nontheist, since gods were never what the tradition is about, but I mean more generally that it's easier to be on the borderlands.) We've certainly competed with and attacked other traditions in various ways, but there's no "have no other gods before me". It's easier still in North America and Europe, since most of the Buddhists around you were not born and raised Buddhist, and that puts them on the borderlands by nature. So even when you want to reinterpret a more core doctrine like karma (as I do, https://loveofallwisdom.com/blog/2020/03/naturalized-kammatic-buddhism/ ), you might get some pushback, but I've never heard anyone say "then to hell with it".
Why did it even come up? Seriously. I left the faith for years. I am now coming back basically because I believe "it" is good for me. All of it. The services, the reading, the fellowship, the prayer, etc. Do I believe there is a God and specifically do I believe e in the Christian God? Honestly, I dunno. But, like, why would that even come up? If I think the faith is good for me (which I do)....then I'm gonna practice the faith. I'm not gonna sit down at Wednesday night Bible study and say "Hey before our reading I just want you to know I suspect this is all bullspit." I wouldnt say that because.....that's not practicing the faith. Sure maybe in a private time with an extremely good friend I might, like father Merrin in that scene in "The Exorcist", moan drunkenly that I may have lost my faith. But I ain't doing that on the reg. On the reg I'm doing the stuff that one does to practice the faith.
Hi there! Thanks for commenting. Good question. It came up for a number of reasons:
1. I’m a writer. I wrote about my faith, the death of my faith, and my pursuit of a nontheistic Christianity.
2. I sought help. I expressed to trusted friends and mentors that I was struggling deeply with my faith and hoping for some kind of solution.
3. A number of people in my orbit already had disdain for Christian nontheism, and expressed that disdain explicitly, even if they didn’t know I was holding that position myself.
I’m glad you have found your way back! I agree - the religious life can be incredibly good for you. I felt that way right up to the very end, and I’m still grateful for it.
Ah yes. That "I'm a writer" bit I think is the killer. Not much to be done discreetly when talking about stuff is ones job. To the extent I ever wrote anything I at least had the foresight to keep my writing in the realm of intensely silly ephemera, thank (literally?) Christ.
If I may suggest, if you believe the church is good for you (which you appear to believe), I think it is entirely possible to fudge this, despite what some may say. How that effects judgement on your immortal soul I won't speculate, though. Everything doesn't have to have a capital A Answer. Just do the stuff (maybe don't write about it, lol), do it with a full heart and dont interrogate every darn thing (as writers are wont to do). I remember watching some documentary on orthodox jews. A rabbi was trying to convince a young man who had left to come back. I forget the exact words but the rabbi said something like "We don't worry so much about 'Is there a God? Is there not a God?' We just have these things that we do and we find meaning through that." There's wisdom there. Its like getting up and watching the sunrise every day. A ritual, a time to think to oneself, etc. Even if you know it's merely a large, rather inefficient, nuclear reactor that just happens to come into view when the landmass you're on happens to rotate that direction. Don't overanalyze. Just enjoy it.
I’m afraid the nature of Christianity makes that quite hard, nor is it in my nature to not take truth claims seriously. It isn’t in my nature to stand in church every Sunday and say “I believe” when I don’t believe. Plus, saying “I don’t think this is true, but it might be!” Is not where I’m at. I think it is highly unlikely to be true, and I need to be honest about that, or else I am deceiving people who think I am one of them. Acting “as if” it is true isn’t possible for me if I … don’t think it’s true.
My partner is Jewish and I attend synagogue with him. The Jewish world is not creedal in the way Christianity is, and I deeply appreciate that about it. Converting to Judaism is a challenging process, but I am considered it because it is more geared towards orthopraxy instead of orthodoxy.
I think this is easier for Buddhists. (It's particularly easy to be a nontheist, since gods were never what the tradition is about, but I mean more generally that it's easier to be on the borderlands.) We've certainly competed with and attacked other traditions in various ways, but there's no "have no other gods before me". It's easier still in North America and Europe, since most of the Buddhists around you were not born and raised Buddhist, and that puts them on the borderlands by nature. So even when you want to reinterpret a more core doctrine like karma (as I do, https://loveofallwisdom.com/blog/2020/03/naturalized-kammatic-buddhism/ ), you might get some pushback, but I've never heard anyone say "then to hell with it".
Thank you so much for sharing! I think you are probably right about that.
Why did it even come up? Seriously. I left the faith for years. I am now coming back basically because I believe "it" is good for me. All of it. The services, the reading, the fellowship, the prayer, etc. Do I believe there is a God and specifically do I believe e in the Christian God? Honestly, I dunno. But, like, why would that even come up? If I think the faith is good for me (which I do)....then I'm gonna practice the faith. I'm not gonna sit down at Wednesday night Bible study and say "Hey before our reading I just want you to know I suspect this is all bullspit." I wouldnt say that because.....that's not practicing the faith. Sure maybe in a private time with an extremely good friend I might, like father Merrin in that scene in "The Exorcist", moan drunkenly that I may have lost my faith. But I ain't doing that on the reg. On the reg I'm doing the stuff that one does to practice the faith.
Hi there! Thanks for commenting. Good question. It came up for a number of reasons:
1. I’m a writer. I wrote about my faith, the death of my faith, and my pursuit of a nontheistic Christianity.
2. I sought help. I expressed to trusted friends and mentors that I was struggling deeply with my faith and hoping for some kind of solution.
3. A number of people in my orbit already had disdain for Christian nontheism, and expressed that disdain explicitly, even if they didn’t know I was holding that position myself.
I’m glad you have found your way back! I agree - the religious life can be incredibly good for you. I felt that way right up to the very end, and I’m still grateful for it.
Ah yes. That "I'm a writer" bit I think is the killer. Not much to be done discreetly when talking about stuff is ones job. To the extent I ever wrote anything I at least had the foresight to keep my writing in the realm of intensely silly ephemera, thank (literally?) Christ.
If I may suggest, if you believe the church is good for you (which you appear to believe), I think it is entirely possible to fudge this, despite what some may say. How that effects judgement on your immortal soul I won't speculate, though. Everything doesn't have to have a capital A Answer. Just do the stuff (maybe don't write about it, lol), do it with a full heart and dont interrogate every darn thing (as writers are wont to do). I remember watching some documentary on orthodox jews. A rabbi was trying to convince a young man who had left to come back. I forget the exact words but the rabbi said something like "We don't worry so much about 'Is there a God? Is there not a God?' We just have these things that we do and we find meaning through that." There's wisdom there. Its like getting up and watching the sunrise every day. A ritual, a time to think to oneself, etc. Even if you know it's merely a large, rather inefficient, nuclear reactor that just happens to come into view when the landmass you're on happens to rotate that direction. Don't overanalyze. Just enjoy it.
I’m afraid the nature of Christianity makes that quite hard, nor is it in my nature to not take truth claims seriously. It isn’t in my nature to stand in church every Sunday and say “I believe” when I don’t believe. Plus, saying “I don’t think this is true, but it might be!” Is not where I’m at. I think it is highly unlikely to be true, and I need to be honest about that, or else I am deceiving people who think I am one of them. Acting “as if” it is true isn’t possible for me if I … don’t think it’s true.
My partner is Jewish and I attend synagogue with him. The Jewish world is not creedal in the way Christianity is, and I deeply appreciate that about it. Converting to Judaism is a challenging process, but I am considered it because it is more geared towards orthopraxy instead of orthodoxy.
Fair enough. I do forget most people lack my near sociopathic lack of scruples*. How do you all live like that? Best of luck.
:)
*This character flaw is probably why I need the church. Can you imagine the evil I'd get up to if I didn't have it? Yeep!